I’ve just finished up my third full week here in Moscow, and I’ve already witnessed more insane shit in approximately 21 days here than in a year of living in Detroit. Just a few things I’ve seen so far include a shop underneath one Metro station where you can buy automatic weapons- I saw an AK-47, some Uzi’s, a mini rocket launcher (at least that’s what it looked like)… a cash-and-carry insurgent one-stop shop! They should do a radio spot: “Need to overthrow a country whose name ends in stan?….”

There’s also a spot in Gorky Park where you can walk right up next to a live tiger & get your picture taken. No wall, cage or anything. Just do your best ‘Roy’ impersonation and hop up next to the deadly predator. No worries!

I saw a guy getting off the Metro wearing nothing but a Speedo. Not only no clothes, but NO SHOES either. And we weren’t anywhere near a pool or lake, or even the river. And nobody even paid any attention to it. There has been an historic heat wave happening for the last 2 weeks in Moscow, and it’s been breaking 130 year old records. Maybe that explains the fashion choice?

I saw a traffic cop having what looked like a very enjoyable cell phone conversation while leaning against a tree as rush-hour gridlock meltdown was happening 100 yards away. I assume the cop was supposed to be directing traffic, but he had more important things to do than his job, obviously. I have to say, the cops here are REALLY FUCKING SCARY. Not physically imposing- plenty are out of shape & look like they’d give up after chasing you one block down the street (much like the cops in Chicago). No, what’s scary is this- if any of them wanted to put you in the car & haul you off to jail at anytime & for any reason, there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. Technically this could happen in America as well, but in America if an egregious offence was perpetrated by a cop our legal system would give the victim due recourse & keep everything in check (hopefully). Not here. I actually saw a guy pull money out of his wallet & hand it to a cop on the street. He had been pulled over in his car, so maybe he didn’t have proper paperwork or license. In the middle of the day, a straight-up shakedown in broad daylight, with the cop not giving a damn who was watching him. And here’s another thing that sucks- you have to carry your passport with you at all times no matter what- because if you get stopped without passport identification you’re going to jail (unless you have an acceptable bribe to pay off the man on the spot). Now I know what it feels like to be Hispanic in Arizona, and it’s a shitty feeling. After being here I have much more respect for the American judicial system, and American Police in general. I know a lot of my posts sound like they have an ‘anti-American’ slant to them, but I just call things as I see them. I still believe the ‘negative’ things I’ve said about Uncle Sam, but I’m also an equal-opportunity hater. So I have to say, US cops beat the shit out of Russian cops any day of the week.

There are a lot of stereotypes about Russia in play, and I’ve found some to be fairly true, and others way off. Here’s my take:

YES, many Russians DO seem rude at first.

I think this is simply due to the fact that it’s not customary here to smile at strangers without a reason. In America we flash the ‘polite/fake smile’ when involved in casual social interaction, but not in Russia. It actually seems more pragmatic, but it’s still a little hard to get used to seeing everyone looking pissed off everywhere. The good news is that everyone I’ve met personally has been VERY friendly right after our first encounter. It’s like once you ‘break the ice’ with a real conversation, the warmth comes out. And I do think that (for the most part) Russians ARE genuinely happy people, you just need to get to know them before you see it.

NO, everyone is not drunk all day long.

People actually DO work & don’t just drink Vodka all day long. As a matter of fact, I still haven’t touched a drop of Vodka yet. And I’ve been working my ass off.

YES, there is a lot of racism in Russia.

I was sitting at a café with a coworker of mine & we were having a conversation (in English, of course) and this older, drunken guy tries to get into our conversation. So in broken English he asked me where I’m from, I tell him I’m American, and then he loudly proclaimed, “Ah, your president is a nigger!!!” My first instinct was to give this racist piece of shit a taste of his own dislodged teeth, but my coworker (seeing the expression on my face) quickly tried to diffuse the situation. She spoke to him in Russian VERY quickly, and then gave me the old “what he meant to say was…” routine. I then told him “We don’t say that in America. Good people don’t use that word.” He tried to back-peddle a bit, and then everything cooled-out. I’m not sure if he was hateful or simply ignorant- maybe a little of both. To racists in Russia, Africans are scapegoats in a similar way that Latinos are in America- “They’re stealing all our jobs & committing all the crimes, blah, blah blah…” And my partner Luis has a warm & fuzzy story to tell about his landlord’s gigantic forearm swastika tattoo. Yep. Human garbage comes in all nationalities!

YES, the Moscow metro system is incredibly efficient (time efficient, NOT environmentally efficient)

The Moscow Metro’s stations are regarded as some of the most beautiful in the world, and that depiction rings true. I haven’t even seen 10% of the stations yet (the system is HUGE), but from the stations I’ve seen they almost resemble art galleries. Beautiful big architectural columns, murals, tapestries, sculpture, unique lighting & layout in each station…. It’s really incredible. And the system itself is very impressive. I’ve NEVER had to wait more than 3 minutes for a train, no matter what time I’ve been there- whether it’s rush hour or midnight. And actually, during rush hour I’ve never waited more than ONE MINUTE for the next train. The train itself is unimpressive- it’s kinda dirty & not ‘modern’ at all, but the overall system is incredibly effective.

Last but not least- the juxtaposition of beauty & ugliness is everywhere here. There’s nothing I’ve experienced that I can compare it to… maybe that’s why I’ve felt so disoriented thru these first few weeks. Normally you go to a new place and you’ve already got a system of past experiences to build off of, or expectations to meet, but here it’s like I’m starting from zero in everything I do. But for every moment of chaos & ugliness, there will be a moment of incredible beauty- like today when I was walking through the Metro station and I heard this faint sound, which became louder as I got further along. Then I could distinguish the notes of a violin, and see a woman playing at the end of the tunnel. She wasn’t just playing the notes, she was making that violin cry. And at that moment those notes were the most beautiful music I had ever heard. Sad, passionate, hopeless… trapped in a place in time, but yearning to be somewhere else entirely.