On June 23, J.K. Rowling (perhaps you’ve heard of her) is set to announce Pottermore, this mysterious new project that fans are quite literally losing their shit over. People have spent hours upon hours guessing what this project could possibly be, going so far as to put together “clues” based on the numbers on the YouTube countdown and even the amount of leaves that fall from the screen per day.

To quickly relate this to advertising before I move on, I will say that this is a pretty good teaser campaign although all J.K. Rowling has to do is cough slightly and the whole world will listen to what she says. But she has created mystery around the whole thing and Harry Potter fans are all about the suspense. If nothing else, she and her publicity department know their audience well and know how to get them all riled up.

I’m a Harry Potter fan. Not a psychotic one, but a fan. Case in point: I already have tickets to the midnight showing of the last movie, where I plan to dress up as fashionably disgruntled Emma Watson post-Hermoine, based on her current Vogue article where she talks about how Harry Potter is a prison she was trapped in for ten years and how she just wants to be anonymous (uh, then stop posing for Vogue?). And as a fan, my take on the whole thing is that J.K. Rowling is a badass and can do whatever the hell she wants. Even Broadway diva Daniel Radcliffe doesn’t have any say in it. As a writer, it frustrates me a bit that people go to Dan to ask about Harry Potter, even though he obviously has nothing to do with the creation of the world besides the fact that he was a damn cute little aspiring actor back when the first movie was being cast. I love DanRad, but he needs to stop talking about how terrible Harry Potter was for him. He made $22 million for EACH of the last two movies. He really shouldn’t be complaining as he might possibly be the second luckiest British kid in the world (first prize goes to Rupert Grint because he himself has admitted that he only got the role because he was then a properly-aged ginger and I believe he actually has no talent whatsoever, just like his wizarding counterpart). I think that if J.K. wants to write 100 more Harry Potter books, she should feel free to do so. All DanRad can do is say that he won’t be in them. After all, he’s far too busy dancing and riding horses naked.

So far, the best speculation on Pottermore that I’ve read is that it’s an online role playing game, a la World of Warcraft. I would totally play that and I do sort of hope that’s what it is. However, I have some thoughts about what it could be as well. I guess we’ll find out. But for now, here’s some non-statistically driven hypothesis that I just made up right now.

1. Harry Potter: Happily Ever After
I remember when the last book came out, people complained that the story wrapped up so nicely in the epilogue. This is hilarious considering that if J.K. hadn’t let us know that Harry had a happy ending, people would have been as equally upset. Even though I HATED Ginny with almost my entire heart (seriously, get over yourself), I still love the epilogue because I always wanted Harry to be happy even with his terrible taste in women. What if the new project is simply a continuation of the epilogue? Voldemort is gone, the Death Eaters are out of the picture, and all is right in the wizarding world. Harry and Ginny and Ron and Hermoine are just busy cleaning up poop diapers (though for wizards it’s probably SO much easier) and getting in fights about bills and why Ron won’t put the toilet seat down. I’d read it.

2. Harry Potter: The Early Years
We all know that Harry had a shit life as a kid. But just how shitty was it? J.K. might create something like Rugrats where a baby or toddler Harry muses on his life of child abuse in a cupboard and gets into mischief with snakes around the garden (god that sounds gross). Great thing about this is that Daniel Radcliffe wouldn’t need to play this part in the movie because all you’d need is a scarred up baby with some awkward-looking glasses.

3. Spin-off characters
I know what you’re thinking – spin-offs never work out. Remember Joey? Yeah, me neither. However, this might be a good way to go. Because although Dan and Emma might be done with Potter (and everyone else is done with Rupert Grint), there are so many characters in the franchise who would gladly give their left Bertie Bott Every Flavor Bean for the chance to step into the spotlight. Maybe going the evil angle could work nicely. A Snape spin-off would be cool. Or it might be fun to see the world from Peter Petigrew’s life as a Weasley rat. OR (and this might be the best idea ever) bring Cedric back from the grave and create an entire new series called Cedric Diggory and the (TBD). We all know how much Robert Pattinson loves being involved in teen franchises so I assume he would jump right on board.

4. More Dumbledore
Seriously, J.K. has some explaining to do here. I was always annoyed that she randomly announced Dumbledore was gay and then failed to give any explanation. I have so many questions. Just think of all the late nights young Harry spent in his office. Was something happening there? There’s a story to tell there, I just know it. Dumbledore’s back story was always a mystery, somewhat addressed in the final book but I’m sure there’s much more she could say.

5. Owl Post Office
With all the owls all over the YouTube page and microsite, I think it might be a plan by J.K. to actually try to create an owl mail delivery system in the real world. Hedwig deserved a better ending than she got, anyway. I think I would like getting bills from an owl instead of having to open an actual mailbox. That’s no fun. Sure, it seems unreliable as hell, but so is the US Postal Service and I’m totally on board with converting our entire society to owl-only mail if that’s what’s in store.

- Lauren Miller