There is an ever-growing suburban paradise a few miles north of Dallas known as the city of Frisco. Fifteen years ago it was a just another small farm community comfortably nestled in the middle of several other small farm communities. Next thing you know they’ve got a big ass IKEA, a big ass minor league baseball stadium, all of the most important big ass restaurant chains (for its citizens’ big ass appetites), one big ass mall, tons of brand new generic looking big ass corporate offices, and plenty of big ass new roads for all the big ass SUV’s. Despite this rapid and mind-boggling prosperity, the city apparently wasn’t quite satisfied. I figure this means it’s either an incredibly ambitious little town, or one with a strange sense of entitlement. Whatever the case (and it’s worth noting I could care less either way), the Frisconians’ big ass need for more seemed endless. But on Wednesday, May 11, 2011, their hunger finally appeared to have been satisfied with the opening of everyone’s favorite west coast burger chain: In-N-Out Burger.

I know; it seems odd that something so simple as an arguably average fast food burger chain could be any town’s crowning achievement. But Frisco isn’t your average suburb. The proof: cars with “In-N-Out or bust” shoe-polished on the back window, drive-thru lines long enough to stop traffic from miles away, and one customer so full of joy she actually cried. In fact, to call this a “grand opening” would be a grand understatement. A better description would be something like, “the dawn of a new era”, or “the most important opening day since the book of genesis”.

Although my primary reason for writing about this strange tale is to share a local laugh with the rest of the world, I do surprisingly have one semi-serious, half thought-out (all the thinking-out this deserves) final comment: I have had an In-N-Out Burger, and yes, it was pretty good. Shoe-polish on my car good? No. Cry happy tears good? Definitely not. I guess if I had to label it, I’d go with triumphant symbol of American mediocrity good. But that’s neither here nor there. My point is… hell, I don’t even know anymore. Just check out this link and enjoy the vid.

- Dave Fox