Anyone who reads this blog on a regular basis might notice that I haven’t posted an entry in a few months. There are many reasons for this- I’m not just lazy First, I’m no longer in Russia. BBDO Moscow was an amazing experience in many ways, but I sure am happy to have gotten the hell out. I feel like I amassed Decades worth of surrealistic life experience in 6 months, and just living the daily life of a Muscovite has toughened me up in every way imaginable. BUT, as soon as I got a good offer back here in the States I was eager to jump on it. So now I’m at Doner (back in tha D!) and it’s been really good so far. The work is creative, my bosses are cool, and overall I’m happy. Yeah, it’s a TON of hours, but I’d rather work an interesting 12-hour day than a mind-numbing 8-hour day. Another reason I fell off the blogosphere wagon was simply the period of re-adjustment- to the time zone, the work environment, sleeping on the floor of an empty apartment for a month… Oh, and my old band’s reunion gig that we had ONE week to practice for, after I wasn’t even able to touch a guitar for 6 months. That’s another story entirely. If you want to read more about my Russia/Mousetrap experience check this out: Mousetrap.

But all of that is the past. Now that I’m adjusted to my new schedule, I can get back into this whole blogging business and talk about advertising again, which brings me to this week’s rant.

Anyone in the biz looks at advertising with more of an eye for concept & craftsmanship than the “average” viewer. We watch a TV commercial and usually come up with a multitude of things we would have done differently if it were up to us. It’s normal to feel that way, but VERY seldom do I see a campaign that I find idiotic enough to insult even a tea-bagger’s intelligence level. Unfortunately, I found one.  Here it is:

What makes these ads as questionable as Jay Cutler’s MCL? It’s not the simplistic reveal, it’s this ONE line: “Do you care how it tastes?” or in another one: “Do you want MORE flavor, or LESS flavor?” And in every execution, our hapless buffoon replies, “I don’t really care how it tastes.”

How many people, IN THE WORLD, do you think would answer the question “Do you want more flavor, or less flavor?” with “I don’t care.” Maybe a few folks who can’t really understand English, or some people who were already too drunk to understand the question? At least with certain other ridiculous beer campaigns, the beer-swilling mortal’s impetuousness comes from a place of truth- it’s the ‘human truth’ thing we hear about once in a while. Caveman wants woman, caveman wants beer… that sort of thing. As depressing & stupid as those ads are, at least there’s a kernal of TRUTH in it. Guys like beer and guys like to get laid with hot chicks. That’s truth. But this goes against any speck of human truth. People want maximum flavor all the time, and they like to save money. SO, if asked, “Do you want more flavor, or less flavor?” I’d be willing to guess that 99.99999% of the people on the planet would answer either:

A: I want the one with more flavor.

B: I want the cheapest one.

Maybe I’m totally over thinking it. Yeah, I get that our man-thong aficionado is the butt of the joke, so he just might be that .00001% who would answer the question that way. But it’s not just the dude. What type of dipshit bartender would ask that question? You’d say something like “Do you want cheap, or do you want good?” Who knows, maybe that’s the way the creatives originally wrote it, and then Miller Lite brass got their panties in a bunch about “We can’t say the competition’s cheaper than we are!!!”

In the end, I think you have to approach ads like people. Every one starts off with good intentions, but some go horribly wrong along the way.

- Patrick Buchanan