Added: Kamran Pascarella - Date: 03.11.2021 06:23 - Views: 14696 - Clicks: 1919
She sat by herself at the bar of the restaurant. Her only company was a book.
I sidled up near her, two stools apart, maybe three, as casual as I could muster. Her face quickly went from confusion to disgust. My mind raced for some sort of recovery. Some sort of new, more clever joke to make up for my failed attempt at my original, semi-clever joke. Nothing came. In the past, I sulked away in this situation having embarrassed myself again.
But this time something in me snapped — or not snapped, but rather, something reed itself. I just wanted to say hi. The air eased between us a bit. It was a nice try… I guess. And what most of it misses is that attraction, seduction, intimacy, sex, whatever you want to call it — is an emotional process, not a physical or social one.
What matters is the intention, the motivation, the authenticity. To improve your dating life, you must improve your emotional life — how you feel about yourself and others, how you express yourself to others, etc. A beautiful woman makes us feel aroused, so we pursue sex with her. If we feel cared for, respected and admired by her, we pursue a relationship with her. But women experience sexuality differently than we do, so it can be a bit more complicated and hard for us to decipher what makes them feel attracted to us.
But the principle remains the same. Women go with men who make them feel a certain way. There are a of ways to elicit emotion in a woman, and the way in which you go about eliciting that emotion will determine the quality and quantity or lack thereof of the relationships you have with women. If you choose to be cold, calculating and manipulative with women, you will naturally screen for women who will create a cold, calculating and manipulative relationship with you.
If you pursue women with a neediness and an idealization of them, then you will attract equally naive and insecure women who will create a relationship of neediness and false idolization. If you pursue women in a rude and harsh manner, you will attract women who respond to harsh emotions and elicit harsh emotions themselves. I encourage men to pursue women with honesty and authenticity because this screens for women who are honest, authentic and conscientious themselves, making for far better relationships. The other reason I encourage men to pursue women with authenticity is that communicating your sexuality with women openly forces you to become a confident and integrated man.
In the short-term, this can be more painful and difficult. But in the long run, this reduces emotional neediness and molds you into a bold and confident man Attractive guy looking for fun girl draws women to him like a magnet. It is important to mention that there is not yet any consensus on what attracts women to men. Science has found dozens of factors, some major, some minor, but there is no overarching model that is agreed upon by everyone. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you. Many of these traits which determine attraction are completely out of our control: genetic make-up, physical features, testosterone levels, social perceptions, where a woman is on her ovulation cycle, etc.
And then there are the traits which ARE within our control: our lifestyle choices, our occupation, how we dress and groom ourselves, our health and fitness, our confidence, our lack of neediness, and our behavior. This is a lot to juggle around. So it helps to find some underlying principles to attraction, a common denominator of all attractive behaviors and qualities or at least most of them.
And research shows that the largest common denominator when studying what attracts women to men is that men who are perceived to be of higher status around women tend to attract them more often. There are arguments on both sides of which drives which: does having money and prestige lead to confidence and leadership? Or does being a confident leader create wealth and prestige?
My personal belief is the latter. And not only is there some research supporting that women are attracted to potential status as much as they are attracted to status itself, but I feel like I have a fair amount of experience in this area. In fact, I attracted a ificant of older women who took me under their wing and wanted to support me during this period until I got on my feet.
I believe that status in a male is determined by his behavior. They are the effects of high status behavior, not the causes. Sexual attraction from women is determined by status, status is determined by behavior, and what determines whether a man has attractive behavior or not is his perception of himself relative to those around him, particularly women. For instance, a needy man may come up with really clever jokes and have a great job, but he will use them to impress her and get validation from her — needy behaviors — and will therefore be perceived to be unattractive.
Believe it or not, this man will be seen as attractive because his behaviors will be genuine, authentic, and non-needy. The needy man, despite having Attractive guy looking for fun girl nice job and clever things to say, is a follower. He will only go so far. The non-needy man, even though he may be a bit aimless and in a downturn in his life, he will end up living an enriching and unique life that suits him and makes him happier. If a man values the perceptions of others more than his perception of himself, then he will naturally behave in an unattractive way around them.
If he trusts his perception of himself more than the perceptions of those around him, then he will be perceived as a non-needy man, and therefore behave attractively. All of the outward appearances of status and resources — the fitness, the nice clothes, the cool lifestyle — these things are a result of a man who is inwardly driven, a man who invests in himself and takes care of himself.
When all is said and done, all attractive traits in a man can be traced back to his lack of neediness. Please note, I am NOT saying that a man should disregard the perceptions of others, or that he should trash or disrespect the perceptions of others — only that he should believe in his perception of himself more than the perceptions of those around him. Neediness plays itself out in many forms. Needy behavior will only attract other needy women. Neediness finds its own level. If you are open and honest about your intentions and genuinely care about the women you meet and interact with, then you will attract genuine and caring women who will be honest with you.
This is referred to as the assortment effect in psychology and it has been demonstrated in numerous studies. If you want to be with amazing women who are open, loving, independent, supportive and nurturing, then you need to become the male equivalent. Yes, I just quoted myself in my own article.
I mean I did write a whole book on this stuffso cut me some slack. If status creates sexual attraction in women, then demonstration of desire creates sexual arousal in women. It means being nervous around her is going to Attractive guy looking for fun girl a pretty big turn off. Men typically underestimate how forward they can be with women. And they vastly underestimate how effective being forward and open about their sexual desires is with women who are attracted to them. But then as I saw the positive reaction from her and the other girls I said this to, I started feeling empowered.
A proper and honest sexual expression is powerful, and in our society, rare. Many of us grow up with a great deal of sexual shame. And not only does this keep us afraid of expressing our sexual desires openly, but it creates an unhealthy neediness and worship of sex. Because honest and respectful demonstrations of sexuality are so rare, not only are women aroused by it, but it often hits them like a breath of fresh air. What gets lost in most of the dating advice out there, and what is so fundamentally important to your happiness and success with the women you meet, is why you behave in certain ways rather than others.
In communication, what motivates your behavior is just as important as the behavior itself. Maybe it was a guy at work who needed to always be right, or a girl who complained about everything so people would feel sorry for her, or the friend who did crazy things to impress his friends and be cool. You should adopt non-needy behaviors because you care about yourself and want to improve yourself. Attracting women should be a side-effect of that desire. If you attempt to adopt non-needy behaviors in an attempt to impress others, you are still being needy.
You are faking it, and you will eventually be exposed. The only way to develop a genuine attraction through women is by genuinely investing in yourself. Expressing sexual desire is an internal process. Recognize that you will be rejected and turned down by a lot of women regardless of whatever you do. Accept this and appreciate it. But if you measure success with women by lack of rejection, then you will always be disappointed.
This is an internal and emotional process, not an external behavioral one.Attractive guy looking for fun girl
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